We all need a place of refuge. That space that allows us to drop all defences, all other people's expectations of us, all their judgements and Just Be. If you have crawled high up Maslow's Need hierachy*, that space is probably internal, and thus accompanies you wherever you go. Some of us haven't got that far in the self actualisation pyramid yet: I am one of those who needs physical places to retreat to while the world is at war.
Parenting is (or should be) the process of creating that safe environment for a child to test boundaries, explore, fall, jump, fail, learn and get up and dust themselves off. Home should be a safety net for freedom. (This is what I hope Andrew and I have at least partially achieved these past three decades.)
But I am sorry to tell you that I created an unsafe environment for one of our baby tortoises at the end of last year. I meant well. I wanted the two littlies to have a larger garden to explore with more rocks and plants to discover : a bigger playpen. So I bricked off a substantially larger space than they were used to. And then we went away for four days. Nano must have decided to explore the rocks, and he, I assume, got stuck on the top of a ridge in the sweltering heat. I found his paper thin shell - that was all that was left- on a Friday evening. Poor Nano. I had failed him through incompetence and ignorance and being blase. Kind people have consoled me that this is nature - everything and everyone dies - and in the wild many baby tortoises don't make it to adulthood. But I feel guilty, and sad, and the heaviness can drag me down. Pico - the remaining baby tortoise - now lives in a crate: a safe, contained environment. But it must be boring, so everyday, I walk the tortoise, so she can eat the fynbos, and build leg muscles. I watch her carefully, mindful of the fragility of life.
Globally, safe spaces are becoming harder and harder to find. There are so many people who have been displaced by the greed and atrocities of a few. We watch with horror as people are killed, houses are bombed, threats of escalation of hostilities echo around the media. And yet this never ends. There has never been a time in history without conflict.
Leadership is (or should be) the process of creating that safe environment for citizens to thrive socially, economically, and personally. World leaders are doing a dismal job. Which leaves it up to you and me to create peace, internally and externally. This is not an easy task in these volatile times, but it is a brave choice we can make. Peace (and a safe environment) requires hard work, careful thought, tolerance, patience and the strength of self to be able to admit we all fail, all make mistakes, all have things that we need to apologise for.
I was mulling over safe spaces yesterday and landed right back in my childhood home, in a cupboard I used to crawl into when I wanted to retreat from the world or have a bit of peace and quiet.
I was never lonely in there though, because it was crowded with a kitten, a wolf, a frog, a young girl, an old man and various other friends. I collected Pelham** puppets.
It was a wonderful obsession. I still have all of them, and when our kids were little, we hung them on our dining room wall for fun.
I have since found more spacious, brighter places with real people ( and no strings attached) to go to when I need a break from expectations, judgements and the craziness of the world. I get grumpy and lose perspective without these islands of centering.
Imagine if everyone in the world felt safe. I imagine there would be far less conflict.
* Google, of course, can offer introductions if you haven't met Maslow yet. A simplified version of the theory can be found at https://www.thoughtco.com/maslows-hierarchy-of-needs-4582571
** Pelham puppets were first manufactured by Bob Pelham in 1947. Every puppet is handmade and hand painted so each has an unique appearance. The clothing was also cut by hand. They are true pieces of art. (imho)
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| Beloved Nano - RIP |
