On Monday I bought myself a potted rose. It is a bright dark purply pink colour, and has a couple of flowers blooming and a few buds. It was both a pick-me-up from an expensive car ding I had to pay for, and a reminder of my childhood, the 1st of June being my mother's birthday. It is beautiful, and a bit of an extravagance (See car story above) not being a grocery necessity.
"It's not lilies," I pointed to the table where it is placed, showing Lovely Daughter, "but I think they are wonderful." She smiled. She is one of a handful of people who understood what this shorthand conversation meant. Out of the 8.3billion residents of this planet, I estimate that 10 people would know what I am referring to. (To up the number, I will tell you too: It refers to a book title that suggests if you want something, go and get it. (Like flowers, not dead bodies...) . Buy yourself the ....lilies, is the title if you want to seek it out.
I have been told that our family has a lot of coded communication. I hadn't realized the extent of this until my sister pointed it out to me. It creates an intimacy of words and by association, it also acts as a block to those people who don't understand a word we are saying.
An example: When I am thanked for something, my automatic response is "You're Malcolm." Instead of you are welcome. The origin goes back over 50 years to languid beach holidays with another family. One of the son's name is Malcolm. (There is more to this derivation story, but that would be giving away a little too much...)
Or when the kettle is on, I ask if people want tea or Kofi Annan. Coffee seems a little boring, and I am sure the ex Secretary Of the United Nations would be delighted that his legacy lives on in our household.
People do give us quizzical looks when they hear us. The phrases we use come from all sorts of places - films - "Eight is a lot of legs, David." for something awkward or unusual; books - "A cool frood knows where his towel is" for occasions when items need to be found; songs - "Dick and the dancing queen" (well that's their fault for bad lyrics)
I do understand that it confuses outsiders, and I suppose that is the point really. When the kids were little we had a secret code word to slip into conversations if they (or us parents) were feeling uncomfortable and we needed to make our way home. It was very useful.
Family words are not unique to us quirky quarks - I am sure you could list your favourites too. Most families have "pet names" for their children too. Sweetly, my father called me "Boots," apparently because of my dislike of wearing shoes when I was a baby. There is a huge intimacy about pet names and coded speech and I make no apologies for the language of my family. It is the language, and tone, of love, shared experiences and uniqueness. Above all it is human.
And since our humanness seems to be the Final Frontier, with AI lurking on the other side of the sound barrier, I am hoping to keep using personal words. Please ask me to explain if, at times, I am not making sense. We can create our own list of wordisms.
