One bite at a time

 I have been eating a lot of elephants lately.  Not literally, of course - elephants are out of season, so it's pelicans for dinner again.  (I hope a lot of you are fans of The Goon Show, otherwise you may be questioning my current state of mind!)

But when faced with a larger, seemingly overwhelming task, wisdom dictates that we tackle it like we would eating an elephant - little bit by little bit, one bite at a time. 

My elephants are baby ones compared to what others are facing - I know that.  These last two years have been particularly stressful globally, and have, I think, created a conformity vacuum that has allowed us all to sift the musts from the wants. 

I am digging up grass (again, for those of you who followed some of my gardening antics in my previous blog.) The task is elephant sized, and I am taking my own advice and doing it square metre by square metre. The purpose is to create a back garden we can enjoy that requires less maintenance and water. Sitting pulling out long grass runner roots reminded me of a time I was explaining "weeding my life" to someone who needed someone (me) to experiment on for a  lay person's counseling course she was doing.  I got all poetic about it - talking about the easy to pull weeds, the ones with deep roots, the ones that come back despite best efforts of getting rid of them.  All very symbolic of life's problems.  

We became friends -  good enough friends for her to tell me when she thought the tea tray didn't have enough variety of goodies to eat on it, or that the sandwiches had too much mayonnaise. Good enough friends to share opinions and laugh heartily.  One day she was confessing to me how much she disliked the holier- than- thou attitude of  a mutual acquaintance, who told anyone who would listen about her good deeds.  "Of course, the only good deed I do is come to have tea with you,"  she concluded.

I was gobsmacked.  And hurt.  Obviously I had misread the relationship, so I was embarrassed too.  I did not want to be any one's Good Deed.  What a chore!  What a sadness!

I think she realised what she had said, although we never spoke of it, and our friendship limped on with such caution that it really wasn't worth it in the end.  I think of her often - she died some time ago - and wish we had managed to resolve this one. But life moves on.

And with it comes new opportunities to plant new friendships, and cherish the ones that I have.  I did make a promise to myself to never assume that people need me more than I need them - I will not be anyone's good deed again, nor patronise anyone by suggesting they are that to me. 

I have some more grass/weed pulling to do today.  Some more elephants to eat .  Some more tasks to tackle.   I am hoping to start the planting part of the new garden in the next week or so, so that I can see some progress.  We need to see the flowers of our labours to feel we are getting somewhere!

 "Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible" said St Francis of Assissi.  But, being the patron saint of animals and ecology, I doubt he ever tried to eat an elephant!